When I look back at the girl I used to be, I do not first see the trauma.
I see the silence. I see the quiet little girl who stayed in the background. The one who watched more than she spoke. The one who felt deeply, noticed everything, and somehow still believed it was safer to stay small than to risk being seen.
I see a girl who was afraid of judgment. Afraid of speaking up. Afraid of saying the wrong thing. Afraid of being too much.
Or maybe…
Not enough.
The girl I used to be needed confidence. She needed to know that she was braver than she believed. That she was beautiful. That she was strong. That she was good. That even in the moments when life tried to convince her otherwise…
She was never broken beyond repair.
Somewhere along the way…
I became all of those things.
Not overnight. Not easily. And certainly not without pain.
But little by little, I began learning something that changed everything:
Loving myself mattered.
Not in a selfish way.
In a sacred way.
Because I finally understood something I wish I had known much sooner:
God loves me.
He always did.
He placed me here for a reason.
And somehow, through every heartbreak, every silence, every wound, every loss, every attempt the world made to harden me…
I survived. Not because I was never afraid. But because His grace kept finding me—even in the darkest places.
He gave me a heart that still knows how to love. A mind that still knows how to create. A spirit that refuses to stay broken.
And now I find myself doing for others what I always needed someone to do for me.
I encourage people.
I lift them up.
I make them smile.
I pray for them.
I love them.
I protect them.
I see them.
And sometimes…
I see her in the young people I mentor through BFF Youth Network.
I see her in the quiet ones. The ones who lower their eyes when it is their turn to speak. The ones who hide their brilliance because they are afraid to be heard. And when I see them…
I listen.
I encourage.
I wait for their voice.
Because I know what it feels like to wonder if your voice matters.
What amazes me most is this:
After everything I have lived through…
I still love deeply.
I still care deeply.
I still believe in people.
I still believe in goodness.
I still believe in healing.
I could have let the darkness win.
I could have built walls so high that no one ever reached me again.
But I didn’t.
And if that little girl could see me now…
I think she would be in awe.
I think she would finally see what she was always becoming.
I think she would smile…
Step into the light…
And dance in the stardust.
— Jennifer Rene Wallace
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